Yes, it is I.
Simon. The Cat.
My Chief of Staff has informed me that my recent misadventures following a terrible misunderstanding of the motive of my Chief of Staff's Assistant in taking me to "the vet" have caused quite a stir among my fans.
I regret that.
But seriously, what is a Cat to think when he awakens from a nice nap in the seat of the car to find himself in the arms of the Assistant being confronted by two Dogs coming out of a place that smells of the fear, pain, and bewilderment of myriad Cats -- and even Dogs?
I ask you -- what would you have done?
Of course you would have done exactly what I did. Run like hell. Can I help it if the Assistant couldn't keep up?
Then I found myself abandoned. Alone. Bereft. Forced to sleep on the bare ground.
It was quite terrible.
I met rude Cats and stupid Dogs who did not know their proper place.
None of the humans I encountered knew who I am, and therefore did not know how to properly treat me.
No one told me how beautiful I am. No one admired my intelligence. No one fed me. No one gave me treats. I actually had to steal food.
And no, I didn't hear my Chief of Staff calling me, and calling me, and calling me day after day because my misery was so huge it filled up all the space around me.
Until yesterday, when I heard a woman say, "I think that's the Cat on the flyer." Before too long, while I was hiding under a trailer parked in a driveway, I heard the voice of my Chief of Staff saying, "Simon? Simon Cat. Come here, baby."
I came out from under the trailer and started to run again, but she said, "Simon. It's me. Your mommy."
When I paused, she walked over and picked me up and began to cry all over my head. The Assistant was thanking the woman who recognized me, and my Chief of Staff was trying to, but she kept crying into my fur.
She held me so tight there was no way for me to escape as she got into the car. I settled into her lap and began to purr because I knew she wouldn't let me go again. She had instantly seen I was wounded, and so (Sigh) we went straight to "the vet" again. Turns out I was only about a block from "the vet's" office. The Assistant went in and got a carrier -- my Chief of Staff was taking no chances -- and then we went inside.
People at "the vet"s" office all seemed very glad to see me. Turns out my photo was everywhere. I am even more famous now than ever.
"The vet" couldn't see me right away, but my Chief of Staff said she would wait --she was NOT leaving me there alone. So we waited in a bare room for "the vet."
She finally let me off her lap and onto the table, and we stared at one another. She asked, "Do you have any idea what you have put us through?"
I decided I needed to be on the floor. She said I was too embarrassed to look at her. Whatever.
So now after having my wounds cleaned and getting a shot of antibiotics, I am home. This morning my Chief of Staff and her Assistant took home-baked bread, a bouquet of flowers, and a gift card to the woman who "found" me as a thank-you gift. They did not take me with them. In fact, my Chief of Staff is quite happy for me to stay within about three feet of her. Even the Dogs are happy to see me, especially Molly, who, it turns out, was quite upset by my absence - so much so that my Chief of Staff feared Molly was getting sick.
But now that I'm home, Molly seems just fine.
So far, my Chief of Staff appears to have kept things up to my standards while I was away. I have given her lots of head butts and allowed her to hold me a lot. I comforted her by sleeping next to her pillow last night.
It did feel good, if I do say so myself.
Glad you're back home, Simon. Hope your adventures were worth the trauma.
And, I must say that I feel somewhat the same about your Chief of Staff. Very good to find the Desert's Child's blog post after a time in the desert.
Dear Simon, High Supreme Feline Leader of the North American Continent: We are relieved and elated that you have allowed yourself to be found. As with all of your decisions, it was well-deliberated and executed with only the flawless precision for you which you are known throughout the webverse. We are hopeful that one day (soon), you will deem it necessary for your Chief of Staff to release further tales and pictorials of your adventures. Your faithful followers await your valuable insights and unique perspectives from your fiefdom. It has been far too long since we have seen you walking the grounds of your lovely garden. Respectfully submitted, Skyler the Dog—a 200 lb English Mastiff, who would be honored to protect and defend His Supreme Highness, on any future public appearances, as I now do with my best friend and neighbor, Tiger the Cat, 5 pounds of fur, but an anchor for a heart...
Brilliant. Brava ... and welcome home Simon (from your Altadena fan club!)
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