Monday, November 23, 2009

The Simon Chronicles

My name is Simon.

I am The Cat.

I have asked my staff to help record this chronicle, because I feel I have been much misunderstood.

I am a very spiritual being.

I do Yoga.

I meditate.

I enhance the beauty of the space around me.

And yet, the calumny persists that I spend all my time sleeping.

It is a perfidy of dogs.

These dogs among them. Do you see the injustice of the accusation?

Each night I do my best to instruct my dogs in the ways of wisdom.

It is a waste of my time.

They just keep looking for my Chief of Staff to appear with treats.

So I repair to one of the many retreats my staff has thoughtfully provided for me, where I muse on the ways of humans and dogs.

My Chief of Staff has provided many venues designed to enhance my natural catly beauty.

Note how carefully I position myself to best advantage.
It is an art known to even the tiniest kitten.

I am awaiting my Chief of Staff. It's time to go work in my garden.

She works.

I supervise.

I helpfully point out a weed she has overlooked.

I check the place for evidence of lizards.

I visit the fat toad who lives among these pots.

There are many squirrels to chase. I oblige them.

I work out to keep in shape.

I put up with a blue joy scolding me. Idiot bird.

Molly waits for me to move so she can go past.

It gives me hope that she is finally learning the natural order of things

-- cats, then staff, then dogs.

Mike and I head out for our respective patrols each day.

Mike is the least lazy of the dogs.
A high compliment, don't you think?

I often allow my staff to dine with me.

I show them how to keep up with current events.

I sit next to them as they read to encourage their efforts at improving themselves.

I rearrange the cushions for them.

I spread beauty all around me.

Wait! Is she calling me?

Yes, she is.


My Chief of Staff's assistant advises me to do what she tells me to do.

Have you been drinking?

After all, I keep her computer warm for her.

I inspect the kitchen.

And the cupboards.

And the bathroom.

I stand guard.

I am amazingly kind to those human kittens she adores.

I share my room with them when they are here. I even allow them to think it is their room.

I allow them to commit all sorts of indignities upon my person.

I attempt to instruct them in catly strategies on their game thingy.

It is futile.

So when they go home, I rest,

and offer my Chief of Staff a chance to rub my belly.

Am I not fabulous?


ROBERTA said...

That was delightful! You are doing a fab job as chief of staff...keep up the good work....who knows? Simon might consider giving you a raise!

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely WONDERFUL! You truly have captured Simon's spirit. He must be an excellent cat.

Thank you for this great photo essay!

BooCat said...

What catitude! It is good to know that such a magnificent one is letting you share his premises.

Fr Craig said...

brilliant, Katie!! thanks so much. Your cat and mine must have attended the same cativersity.

EHC said...

Absolutely fabulous, Simon!
Proof that cats do, indeed,have staff.

EHC said...

Well kept secret: Cavalier King Charles Spaniels also have staff. The humans around our house are well trained.

Anonymous said...

Simon is a cool cat. Especially for putting up with the interlopers, er, dogs. Droopy just tolerates 1 dog and you can tell she annoys him.

Caminante said...

What a lovely essay to see on a grey rainy Vermont night. I am linking to it from my blog. Thank you! And, Chief of Staff, yurrre the best purrrrr.

Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Cats rock. Simon rules!

Anonymous said...

OK - the residents in this household have taken notice. They are making a list for me, their chief of staff. Beautiful cat, Simon is. Darn it if he doesn't know it!

Unknown said...

Yes, Simon, you are brilliant! And you have trained your Staff very well. Good job.

Forsythia said...

Now I know when someone wants to play "Simon Says" who it was who originated this game.

You are obviously brilliant. Perhaps you would like to meet my Georgina. I believe she is a Cumberland Presbyterian, like my late Mom. Georgina thinks Christmas trees are pagan, and upset ours last year.

faithful said...

Catabulous! I am posting it, if you don't mind on my spot and will send all of the folks who want to oooo and aaaaa back over to you. If I just post a html most folks won't follow it, everyone is so rushed these days. If you want me to take it down, just let me know.

Seeking Spirit....:-)

Anonymous said...

Simon is a wonderful, beautiful cat. Really enjoyed seeing his realm.

Sarah said...

What a wonderful tribute to your staff Mr. Kitty Cat!