This has meant sorting through a desk and three crammed book shelves, so it's been time consuming, mostly because my heart keeps stumbling over relics of Gayland.
Today I was stopped completely by a note he had given to me on Mother's Day, 2000, along with a gift of two joined hearts in Steuben crystal. The hearts sit on a shelf in my living room. The note had been tucked into a drawer.
Blessed be you on this Mother's Day - and joy to hold dear the life you give and rejoice to see in fullness.This bit of glass was to have been a Valentine gift -- but it better symbolizes this day and the joined hearts of you and Daniella!
So I rejoice to be giver and rejoice to see the joined hearts and share the giving love from your hearts.Much love, Gayland
May 14, 2000
If you were ever the recipient of a note from Gayland, you recognize his stream-of-consciousness writing style.
He never had children of his own, and inheriting an adult woman as a step-daughter was a step into a totally unknown world. His relationship with his parents had been loving, especially with his mother, but he was taken aback by how very close Daniella and I are.
He was just plain jealous of the time she and I spent together, and sometimes, he was a bit of a brat about it. He was a world champion pouter, and I called him on it many times when we were visiting Daniella when she lived out of state. He would grumble and deny it and then eventually apologize. I think even he was surprised by his jealousy.
Eventually he came to understand that my love for him was in no way affected by my love for her. It was odd that a man so gifted in loving others was so worried that, in this one case, there wasn't enough love to go around. He would still have his moments, and Daniella and I would still call him out on it, but he truly did love her and her sons. Seeing her become a mother was amazing to him, and those two baby boys were the absolute light of his life.
So I watch as the joined hearts catch the light and give it back, much as his heart did every day in so many ways.
I miss you, dearest man.
3 comments:
So lovely, so honest, Katie. YOu were blessed--and still are with the memories.
Katie, I read your exceptionally poignant post, and honestly, am a bit surprised. Hum, but then again, maybe not. I would never have taken Gayland as the jealous type, but maybe I should have realized he could be as “human” as me.
I do not believe I ever met someone as kind and endearing as Gayland (except maybe Bert Honea who had a similar effect on people. Interesting that they were both beloved Episcopal priests). Each time I saw Gayland, he made me feel special, welcomed, and he always remembered my name. He simply exuded love. I believe this is why he was such a beloved “pastor”.
Then, there was the Gayland who fell madly for his Katie. She was his everything and he couldn’t imagine EVER loving someone as much as he loved you. When he saw your mother-daughter bond, maybe he was threatened in a very human way. “I know she loves me, but does she love me as much as she loves Daniella?” Threatened and insecure. He “experienced” the special love we mothers have for our children, a love that is simply God given and difficult to adequately describe. But, he saw it. He felt it. He saw you making a choice to spend time with her (meaning you’re not spending it with him). The old green-eyed monster got the better of one of the best of us. Gayland was human.
When I was expecting my second child, I often thought “How can I possibly love this baby as much as I love Kate?” I actually worried about it. Now I realize how ridiculous I was— there’s always enough LOVE. I had to experience this myself to understand.
So it was with Gayland. In time, his experience allowed him to understand as we can only do when it becomes our story. Rather than look on, he accepted the gift that you and Daniella offered— family. The rest was history and each of you were happy and blessed.
As my sweet grandmother used to say— you just can’t love too much. ❤️— Sue Turnage
Katie, I read your exceptionally poignant post, and honestly, am a bit surprised. Hum, but then again, maybe not. I would never have taken Gayland as the jealous type, but maybe I should have realized he could be as “human” as me.
I do not believe I ever met someone as kind and endearing as Gayland (except maybe Bert Honea who had a similar effect on people. Interesting that they were both beloved Episcopal priests). Each time I saw Gayland, he made me feel special, welcomed, and he always remembered my name. He simply exuded love. I believe this is why he was such a beloved “pastor”.
Then, there was the Gayland who fell madly for his Katie. She was his everything and he couldn’t imagine EVER loving someone as much as he loved you. When he saw your mother-daughter bond, maybe he was threatened in a very human way. “I know she loves me, but does she love me as much as she loves Daniella?” Threatened and insecure. He “experienced” the special love we mothers have for our children, a love that is simply God given and difficult to adequately describe. But, he saw it. He felt it. He saw you making a choice to spend time with her (meaning you’re not spending it with him). The old green-eyed monster got the better of one of the best of us. Gayland was human.
When I was expecting my second child, I often thought “How can I possibly love this baby as much as I love Kate?” I actually worried about it. Now I realize how ridiculous I was— there’s always enough LOVE. I had to experience this myself to understand.
So it was with Gayland. In time, his experience allowed him to understand as we can only do when it becomes our story. Rather than look on, he accepted the gift that you and Daniella offered— family. The rest was history and each of you were happy and blessed.
As my sweet grandmother used to say— you just can’t love too much. ❤️— Sue Turnage
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