Not that I personally have EVER thought any of these things . . .
Actually, bishop, just because you have an IT person does not mean you have a communicator on staff. It means you have an IT person on staff.
You don't "do email" or check the web site because it takes too much of your time, so you want me to stop what I'm doing to give you all the updates on what's going on in the parish/diocese? Seriously?
For the 500th time to a reporter "No, it's not the Episcopalian Church, It's the Episcopal Church. And people who go there are Episcopalians, not Episcopals."
Yes, all that information was in the most recent E-Newsletter, to which you subscribe, and no, I don't have time to read it to you.
Seriously. How long can it take the bishop/rector/senior warden to write a 300-word piece for the newsletter?
No, I didn't post the information about your organization's yard sale because you didn't send it to me. I am good, but reading minds is something I haven't yet mastered.
Yes, I DO want to know who was elected to the vestry at the annual parish meeting. That's why I sent you an email that said, "Please send me the names of those elected to the vestry at the annual parish meeting."
Yes, I know your son is not included in the video of the youth activities at convention.That's because he wasn't there. Yes, I'm sure of that. And no, I don't have any idea why he would tell you he was there if he really wasn't. (But I can guess.)
No, I wasn't at your parish's recent men's chili cook off because I was with the bishop at his visitation to St. Swithin's. I'm sorry but I have not yet mastered bilocation.
Yes, I did see the story on the web site about the bishop's recent trip to your parish. I wrote it.
Where do you find the bishop's schedule on the web site? Click on the tab that says "bishop's schedule."
Yes, I saw the front page story in the newspaper about the Presbyterians who went on a mission trip to Haiti and got trapped in a landslide and had to dig themselves out with spoons, and while I love our parish's ministry to the food bank, no, I cannot make the newspaper do a similar story about it.
No, you are not required to give me your email address, but if you want me to sign you up for emailed news updates from the diocese, it would be very helpful.
Yes, I will be glad to create all that delightful new content for the web site as soon as I dig myself out from under the last pile of work you put on my desk.
Where on the web site do you find the report on diocesan convention? Click on the tab that says "Report on diocesan convention."
Tell me you are not seriously suggesting we buy an ad in the Yellow Pages.
Yes, I really do believe that if our church can't be Googled, we don't exist.
Yes, you do need to update your parish web site. It's January. Most people aren't looking for the Vacation Bible School schedule right now.
Yes, I see you have a smart phone. I'm still not going to give you administrative rights to the diocesan Facebook page.
No, we will not live Tweet your annual parish meeting.
Yes, if you put titles in front of all the names of clergy, you have to put titles in front of all the names of laypeople. Yes. You do.
Yes, I did change the story you submttted. It's called "editing."
I know I can count on my sister and brother communicators to add to this.